Thursday, September 29, 2016

A Little Bit Helpless by Qi Yuan

 Qi Yuan's Poem



  有点不知所措

       憩园
既然我们在一起过,好好过。
不管怎么说,不好好过是不对的
不好好过而又死缠烂打直到你也精疲力尽就有意思的多了。

我们来到公园,前一秒还那么忘乎所以地接吻下一秒
便开始了同样忘乎所以的近身肉搏,
像小夫妻,那么罗曼蒂克。

人有时就是这样奇怪。
晚上的你突然感觉烦闷,撕开枕头,鹅毛乱飞,你去抓
抓着抓着心情好了起来。

鹅毛与你。我想看看
鹅变成鹅毛
之前的样子

  A Little Bit Helpless
      by Qiyuan  tr. Fan Jinghua

Now that we are living together, let’s try our best.
Not trying is not right, whatever said.
It is much more fun to stick together without really trying until you are tired out.

We come to a park, tongues interlocked in kisses, and we are carried away;
A few seconds later, we begin to fight, arms interlocking, equally carried away.
Isn’t it romantic, like the young wed-locked?

People sometimes can be so strange.
A sudden spell of boredom may strike you at night, and you’d rip open a pillow,
Letting the goose feathers flying around,
And you are elated in your trying to catch them.

Feathers, and you. How I want to see
The goose feathers
Before they have become themselves.

【临屏杂记】这首诗一开始就是一个让步说法“既然”,已经将这个状态默认为先于其它可能的状态。“不管怎么说,不好好过是不对的。”说话者将自己置于一个无法劝说对方的境地,但是却又要试图说服。有点像是等待戈多的那个道途中,彼此必须要做点什么,才能证明自己的等待不是被他人钳制着。意义在于“不好好过”而又“死缠烂打直到你也精疲力尽”。这里的你,原本还没有想说话人一样精疲力尽,而当说话人看来彼此都已在没有可能的状态下,自然需要一种“同在地狱”的状态。于是,继续的折腾是一种消耗,消损,耗竭。熵。很多时候,我们都是在最低的状态下才能够平等。在最低状态下,人们的激情在于最原始的肉搏(接吻做爱也是一种吗),直到一切都那么鸡毛。最原始的。


Suzhou Spring


  Suzhou Spring

Suzhou's in spring
along Phoenix Street
any alley may lead you
to another street
When you go into it, look around
It's not a university you should visit
and God in St. John's can wait
You need to find
on those blue brick walls
an old plate
reading xinfuli
and enter
   March 23, 2015  


   姑苏春


姑苏入春了
从凤凰街进去
任何一个小巷都会将你拐入人家
以及另一条街
你不要去什么大学
圣约翰堂的上帝也可以等待
此刻只需要在那些青砖墙上
认出一块旧牌子
信孚里

Monday, September 26, 2016

Tearing Paper

   Tearing Paper

Not prompted by moods, but
Impulses and a habit-to-be will tear well
A single page of paper (you may tear one out of a book),
White blackened with words or assorted colored.

Blank paper will be too pure and should be given
To scissors or knives
And a meticulous mind.
To tear or cut single colored paper makes me sad,
Just like watching a new word document
Crawled over with insomniac words
When I can’t go to sleep.

I don’t want to know what are there.
All that are written are already exhausted.
I want irregular scraps
To bring me broken sentences;
I want to return words
Their primary loneliness.

They are no victim of chance, but of choice.
This freedom is predetermined for them,
As my tearing is for them too.
When they are separated, dismembered,
How will the thrill be communicated between them,
Between us?
Who at what moment grants me this strength?
             December 9, 2014



     撕纸
         赠余怒、憩园

无关于情绪,只关乎冲动或者以后的习惯
单页的纸(可以先从一本书中认真地扯下)
白纸黑字的或杂色的,撕起来会畅快些
全白的,太纯了,应该交给刀剪与细密的心思
单彩的,无论撕还切,都会令我感到悲伤
像失眠时眼见一个文档上逐渐蔓延的依然是失眠

不要知道那上面有什么字,已被写成的
早已被耗竭,我只要没有规则的碎片
让碎片带来残句,将词字还原
到原始的孤独,这自由一如所有的自由
从来都不是偶然的受害者
这些字早已被选定,我的撕扯注定发生

它们彼此脱离,被肢解,快感如何沟通
谁赋予我那样的力道,在怎样的时刻
             2014129

[按] 
纸似乎都是为了字而存在,而字有时是在污染纸
然而,what has been done cannot be undone
铭写,一直在西方现代批评中等同于 男人对于女人的耕作
只有还原,没有重写或者复写
原来的字,底层的字palimpsest,才是可以重新拓的
底层的字,不是字本身,而是字痕
(生命是为了爱而存在,而爱有时是在污染生命)
爱的污染是因为污染的概念,不是因为爱的概念
爱,应该就是爱,而污染却是不同的
爱与污染同时发生的话,爱已经进入道德界了吧
如果有抽象的先验的爱才能说脱离环境的爱
我总是在这两者之间纠结
而自己有总想超越这两者,既不承认抽象的,又不承认道德的,于是结果就是想将爱 decontexualized 去语境化
我这个大俗人呢,就是要将爱归结为非社会化的身心一体
而这所谓的无社会语境的身心一体,也就必然会消解时间,那么爱不过就是一时冲动
碎片化的自由
纸似乎都是为了字而存在,而字有时是在污染纸
如果是非社会的冲动,那么也就有可能没有对象的
结果呢,有可能回到了某种程度的抽象
那么,是否可以有一个暂时的结论:碎片化本身本质上是抽象的,虽然表面上看是具体的



Woman Says


   Woman Says

No man is reliable and steady.
This is not an experience, but an awareness;
It should better be an action.
One fine day, we will say this for the last time
By not saying this, and by that time,
Our selves will be silenced with the sentence.

No man is reliable and steady.
This should be a statement, and if this be
Scientifically objective, not plaintive,
I wish to keep this bias and bigotry,
Like the Pisa Tower, standing slantingly firm,
Not against any man, may they go and come.
         Nov. 27, 2014  

   女人说

“没有哪个男人是靠得住的”
这不是经历,而是觉悟
除了觉悟,还应是行动
终有那么一天,我们将以不说这话
而说最后一次,而那时
我们的自我也随这句话沉默

“没有哪个男人是靠得住的”
这应该是一句陈述,假若客观
如科学的判断,而不是怨言
我愿意理性地保持这一偏见
犹如比萨斜塔,任男人们
谁来谁去,都不让自己坍塌
      20141127



The Narrow Road to the Deep North


   The Narrow Road to the Deep North
    通向北方深处的窄道


the gold of the season oozes out of memory
pulsing through the inner
lightless worlds
a lone one on the road to the deep north
ballasts himself with a travelling bag
as the warmth of the earth retreats

这时节的金渗出记忆
漫过内部
无光的小小世界
旅人北去
以行囊维稳自己
大地的暖在退缩

  
***
they listen
I talk
in a foreign tongue
quite bored
we are all polite
modest
bored
I come only to elude

他们听着
我讲着
外文
甚觉无聊
我们都很礼貌
谦虚
无聊
我来只是为了躲逃


*** Deletable Poem I
bring your dog and lover along
to the balcony
just sitting there, no talking
regardless of the sun, the moon or the stars
but what he wants is to roam around
forgetting who is the dog being loved
who is the lover fallen in whose love
or who are fucking among themselves

  可删的诗之一
带着你的狗与情人
去阳台
只是坐着
别管什么太阳、月亮或星星
可是他只想去流浪
忘记谁是被爱的狗
谁是情人,沉溺于谁的爱情
或者谁在自己操自己


***
on the lamppost stretches out a traffic lamp
on the lamppost hangs a sign:
"for teaching purpose only, no need to obey"
can life be conducted like this?

那根电线杆上横出一根交通灯
那根电线杆上写着
“教学设备     无需遵守”
人生可否如此


***
the chill wind is no bluer than the sky
gingko leaves on the ground, snuggling upon each other
I am certainly not the healing god they can look up to
I have no feeling
I am anything but a feeling body
no one can poke me up
sorry.... but should I let out some tears
in the late night?

风的冷没有天那么蓝
银杏叶在地上,层叠相依
而我当然不是它们可拜的神
我没有感觉
我什么都不愿感到
任谁也拨弄不起
Sorry...要不流点泪吧
当夜深时


*** Deletable Poem II
dear, let us desert each other
and be vagabonds
or at least let us pretend to be
until we no longer need to pretend
let us counter-desert each other
like Li Po
believing the born companions are never
emotionally bound

  可删的诗之二
亲爱的,我们抛弃彼此
去流浪吧
起码假装能如此
直到我们无需再假装
我们反抛弃彼此吧
犹如李白
相信天生的友伴无需
以情感羁绊


***
for what we've acquainted, does it have
an original point we can turn to?
return? an advance or a retreat?
I am not a progressionist
I am merely lacking in joy
like air in the air
when in motion it presents as wind
when still it is no-wind
but tree leaves will fall as fallen leaves
in the season
like in its own season

相识之事有没有原点
可回?回,是进
还是退?我不是进步论者
我只是没有欢欣感
像空气在空气中
动是风,不动是无风
而树叶还是会落下
因为季节
也是它自己的年岁


***
space has no boundary
and when you come, and I come
sharing it becomes
demarcating
naming
defining
in here, illusionary fairness comes into being
in here, no anxiety for the need for action
no need to talk about love, passion, longing
no need to think of obsession, loss or gain

空间本无界
因你走来,我走来
共享变成
划界
命名
定义
这里有虚幻的公平
没有必须要有行动的焦虑
不说爱、情、念
不说执、舍、得


***
do I also need to periodically trash
myself? in this city, outside the hotel window
there are men and women I had studied with
by the same windows as boys and girls, now scattered
like duckweed, spaghettification-like existence
and I do not know
from which part does this I without me die and dissolve

是否也要定期trash自己
一次?曾经同窗的男孩女孩
皆萍散为男人女人
在此城,在这宾馆的窗外
世界弥漫着意大利面条化的消亡与存在
我不知道
没有我的我
从哪个部位化无


*** Deletable Poem III
there are a few subway stations
we pass and do not stop
as if this is a special train for the privileged
but it is because big shots are on the ground
afraid of being shot
like mice, we have to pass by
in the underground
here we are in contained air
there is neither smog nor
blue sky

  可删的诗之三
将有几个地铁站
经而不停
令我有专程的享受
而实乃大人物在上面活动
害怕小人
我等鼠辈必须在地下钻过
当然下面是罐装的空气
没有雾霾,也没有
蓝天


***
there are boats on the man-made lake
the boats are rowing boring people
water has long since turned from boredom to banality
more people look through lens
but is this distanced? artistic? aestheticized?
water face is as pedestrian as cement face

人工湖上有船
在划着无聊的人
水早已开始从无聊变成无趣了
更多的人通过镜头看
这样就距离了吗、艺术了吗、审美了吗
水面和水泥路一样


***
in the north, it is a must to walk the avenue
the avenue grows lampposts
lampposts point to the moon
the moon is yellow
yellow causes palpitation
palpitation can be soothed only by walking the avenue

在北方必须走大街
大街上有灯柱
灯柱外有月亮
月亮很黄
黄得令人心慌
心慌时必须走北方的大街


*** Deletable Poem IV
the new fleshes crowd
in their alley in fresh looks
a cutie babe wears a big black spectacle frame
those squad in the old-fashion lavatory
shitting
to the eyes of everyone who comes to pee
like me
with a cigarette in my beak
peeing
without touching
my dick

  可删的诗之四
小清新们攒动
在专属的巷子里
有美眉带着硕大的黑色眼镜框
蹲在老式公厕里
大便的人
一切都一目了然
我嘴里叼着烟
撒了尿
手没碰屌


***
for this season, we need
moderate coldness
to warm
the desolateness in our hearts

为了季节,我们
需要
适度的冷
给彼此的落寞加温


*** Deletable Poem V
there is a blue, called agape blue
there is a reunion, called agape reunion
scooped out of the mundane
only to be melted away
before that there is love to be fucked
a love that is lovable is not constant love
a fuck that is fuckable is constant fuck

  可删的诗之五
有一种蓝,叫做愕然蓝
有一种聚,叫做愕然聚
从俗常中剐出来
只为了融化
在此之前,有一份爱有待操蛋
爱可爱非常爱
操可操乃常操


       20141113-17日新加坡