Xiao Maxian: Paradise Lost

　　Paradise Lost
　　　　by Xiaomaxian Wang Shasha

　　　失乐园
　　　　　　　　　　　小玛仙
我喜欢你弯曲，你变得面目全非难以辨认
你从树上窥视我——唤醒我
给我戴上玫瑰花冠，让欲望焚烧脸颊
那之后，世界是另外的样子，我是
极度欢喜过后的女人
　　　　　　　　　　2009.3.17


　　Paradise Lost
　　　　　　　　By Xiao Ma Xian (Wang Shasha)　tr. Fan Jinghua
I like you to bend and see you change into something beyond recognition
You watch me stealthily from a tree—awaking me
Crowning me a rose-wreath, and letting desires burn my cheeks
Then, the world takes a new look, and I am
A post-enraptured woman
　　　　　　　　March 17, 2009


My postscript 译后赘言:

　　　　　The evil, dangerous and ecstatic
　　You love something. You love to extremities. The idolized can never remain straight and commonplace. You love its potentials to startle and stone and stun you, and yes, it has already had the inclination but you are prepared for more, fiercer and crueler. You learn and enjoy the beauty in your want for more.
　　Your instincts lurk, ready to jump on the lurking ones and snatch them. You can be patient by chewing the memory of once or the imagination of the future one, like a review as well as a rehearsal; you fuel your own desires like accumulating the pieces of a dying idol; your last resort is to tease out the chance by stripping yourself piece by piece, and you know, to keep the play going, you must have the magic power to always have yet another “last one.”
　　The award is not the prize, but the reward effected by and upon the “me” in you, the “me” that acts in spite of you, the “me” that defies you to make you love it. At the end of the show, when the curtains have to fall, you realize that all the others had not existed at all. The only one is and has always been the “me” alone with you and in you. No more encore except for the afterglow.
　　The primal paradise is where the primitive takes place, for only once, while the paradise lost is a new paradise that is incorporated with memory. Nothing happened will pass. Therefore, the integrated paradise provides the possibility to re-live. This is better than eternity.

　　　　　那邪恶的、危险的、狂喜的
　　你喜欢什么，你就喜欢到极致。被崇拜的，绝无可能保持竖直或者寻常。你喜爱的就是那潜在的可能，令你吃惊、瞠目结舌、僵硬晕眩。是的，你喜爱，你已经看出了那些可能，但你已准备好，尽管再来一些，更猛烈一些、更凶残一些。你在那凶残和猛烈中感到你欲望的强烈快感。
　　你的本能潜伏着，一旦那潜伏者出现，你随时扑上去，攫走。你可以很耐心，咀嚼着曾经有过的一次或者想象中的将来的一次，既是复习也是排练。你给自己的欲望添加燃料，好像一件一件收集着一个行将就木的偶像的遗物。你最后的一招是诱引，你将自己一件一件脱光，而你也知道，要想这一游戏能继续下去，你必须有那种魔法，总能变出又一件“最后一件”。
　　奖赏不是奖品，而是你内在的那个“我”激发出来的奖励，作用于你自己；那个“我”的行动公然违抗你，以此令你喜欢它。表演结束，帷幕必须落下的时候，你发现原来所有的他人都不存在，一直只有一个人，那个“我”独自陪伴你，在你内部。再无需加演，因为有余辉。
　　最初的乐园只是最原始的行为生发之地，只发生一次，而失乐园是一座新乐园，它将记忆也组合了进来。在此发生的，不会过去。因此，这个整合的乐园提供了永远重过一次的可能。这比永恒更好。