Fan Jinghua: Exodos

　　　Exodos
Some thought has to be kept frozen somewhere or anywhere deep
Absorbing the possible overheatness in the summer
For instance, when drunk high, one should lie down in shade
Better on the ground
He may just say: when I fall asleep you may as well go your ways
And take them with you, or to another house or room for another carousal
She who likes to stay behind with me may stay by my side
Reading scratches of my poems and waiting for me to wake up or watching at my wake
Perhaps in my half-awakeness I may reach for her breasts
To relive the memory of a man's infanthood
But fully awakened one either feels the warmth of flesh or the emptiness of life
If I wake up and walk out in the dark
And hold a candle to watch the Queen of the Night, and if you are in the mood,
Come and join me. The end of joy is
A T-intersection where a path hooks on to major roads
We do not need to do anything to change anything
For the way you come to the next party remains the way
You went back from the previous one
Do not throw and break the wine jars, and leave those lying one lie empty
Take those standing ones and drink up whatever left
Do not talk nonsense that you wish to sleep in drunkenness forever
What I cannot bear to part, I leave to your care. All these women I love
Will love you too, as long as they remember only
Our merrymakings and poetry
And times like this. Buds and fallen petals inspire both delight and pity,
In reverse order that will in recurrences undo our sense of order
Then I am you, and even if I am dead I will not be gone
Yes, we can leave life but no one has the right to plot behind others against living
Now I am sleepy, everyone….and there is a more beautiful poem
Mesmerizing me to live it in the depth
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Nov. 16-18, 2008

　　退场歌
有种念头必须永远冻结在某个深处
吸收炎夏可能的过热
例如谁喝高了酒，就该躺到没有日照的地方，最好
贴着地面
只需说
我要睡了，你们可以随意离去
也将她们带走，或者移到厢房重新开宴
留下那愿意守着我的人
默读我散落的诗句，等待我醒来或者权当守灵
我或许会在朦胧中探摸她的胸乳
回味人的幼年
醒来，要么是肉的温满要么是生的虚空
若我在黑暗中走了出来
且秉烛看花，而你们也还有余兴
那就来吧，欢乐的尽头
是一个丁字路口，小道搭上了大路
我们根本无需自己改变什么
下次的聚会你们还是走
上次分手时的路
所以酒壶不必摔碎，倒下的就倒下、空着
拿那些站着的，有多少就喝多少
别说什么但愿长醉不醒
舍不下的，我都留给你们，我爱的女人
爱我，也一样爱你们，她们只要记得
欢乐与诗
以及这样的时光
花苞与落英都能激发欣悦与哀惜，只是顺序不同
当它们反复出现，顺序就会交错
那么我就是你们，即便死了也不会消亡
是的，我们可以离开生命，但谁都不许阴谋抛弃
生活
此刻我有点困了，各位……还有更美的诗
诱惑我去深处
　　　　　　　　2008年11月17-19日

我觉得中国传统诗人，除了屈原之外，似乎很少有人想到死或者自杀，“我喝醉了你们就继续喝酒和/或各自离去，下次再来嘛”。这一点和古希腊的悲剧观念似乎从另一个角度有得一比。干预生活，但是不必进入生活；但是这不是诗歌的逸乐性。深情于是不必是舍不下，难于抽离。退场歌Exodos，作为悲剧或者喜剧的“剧情之外”的唱词将观众们（作为更大的一场戏的参与者）推回此在的现实生活中，似乎是对于人生如戏/醉/梦的另一种解说。