Fan Jinghua: Facing the Wall

　　　Facing the Wall
Even if he falls flat forward, like a long-distance runner
deprived of air at the last lap, and blacks out,
the I in him would refuse to fall into the waiting shadow.
Ten years has cultivated in him a self-awareness of another instinct.
Of course, he has acquired that, scientifically, it is impossible
for a body of flesh to dissolve into a concrete wall,
as he is not standing in front of a focus lamp,
and no pistols or crossbows are spitting slimy drops from behind.

In this exitless room with open books of riddles on display,
he walks and pauses, trying to figure out the typographical errors,
while his shadow rolls down his back like an ephemeral stream.
Without shadow, he can openly rock others’ women on his laps.
The art of love is full in his hand, solid love does not need
the trigger of vision, and his tongue can release at any moment
its spring of “Oh, stop this beautiful moment!”
to turn a ten-year-long meditation into a rotten prayer.

The only suspending question is whether or not
angels will be hurt by a suicide and cry their eyes out.
Since he has no shadows any more, he might as well
break through the high window and do a free fall,
so his invisible body can give a pupil to one eye of the wall.
　　　　　　　　　　　Oct. 13-14, 2008

　　　面壁
即便自己眼前一黑，直挺挺地摔倒，
像一个长跑选手在最后一圈被切断空气，
他内在的我也会拒绝摔进那等待的影子里；
十年了，他明白，这已是第二本能。
当然，他还懂得一个肉身无法化进一堵砖墙；
毕竟，他没有堵在一盏聚光灯前，
没有手枪或箭弩从背后射出一串黏滑的液体。
更何况，从来都是影子离不开肉身。

这个没有出口的房间正在展示一本本谜语，
每一条都有讹佚，他在迷阵中走走停停，
影子从后背滴落，像季节性河流消失在沙漠，
淌干后，他就能公开抱着别人的女人摇晃了吧。
他手握爱的艺术，满满的，坚实可感的爱
不需要愿景的扳机，他的舌头随时可以
松开弹簧，说“愿此刻的美暂驻”，
那么十年冥思顿时就能腐烂成祈祷。

一个问题明晃晃地悬在半空：天使是否
会为一个绝望的自杀者伤心而哭瞎双眼？
既然他已没有影子，也因此隐身于世，
他还不如冲破一扇高窗，来一次
自由落体，给墙壁的眼睛一个瞳仁。
　　　　　　　　　　2008年10月14日