Fan Jinghua: To My Laptop

Today, my four-year-old laptop shows for the first time symptoms of disease or senility, and I write a poem for her.


　　To My Laptop
I confess, I hang on with you all day long
Not for you, but for play, sometimes purely out of boredom.
Even if I am earnest, I am only using you to reach others.
I try to keep you as a tool only, to take me to places good men
Do not visit, and I bring you viruses to your hardcore;
But when you are slow due to that, I unabashedly remove your memory.
I put my beloved one on your face, and every time you greet me
With delightful sound, I only wish you could go as quickly as possible.
I may just click on you, and enter whatever a gate,
Even though the pop-ups are low and base to the sight.
Only when I am away, you may be given a chance to dance by yourself,
And that is because I want you to shield my privacy, saving my face.
Everyone jokes that you are my paramour, because I spend most of my life
With you, which no one else can hope for, and even my wife,
Who is the one I hold in my arms every night, harbors a profound grudge.
By nature, you may claim the right to sit on my lap whenever I’m alone,
But only very occasionally do you have the chance to crouch outside the quilt
Over my wife and me, entertaining us or merely spicing up a lovemaking.
You never take to your heart that I always keep you at an arm’s distance,
And when I make a copy of you as a standby, you never complain my lack of trust.
All said and done, you and I know so well that you are my only confidante,
I take out to you all my secrets, my cowardice and immorality, my pride and ambition.
You are the only one who can betray me and bring irrecoverable hurt,
And you know this, so you have to bear to death.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　September 14, 2009
　　　　　　　　　　　　　
　　致我的Laptop　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　
我承认，整天泡着你只是为了游戏，
甚至发泄，即使认真，也是利用你
和别人来往；我还以你作为工具，
去不该去的地方，将病毒传染到你的内脏；
而当你因病迟滞，我毫不怜惜地给你洗脑。
我将最喜爱的人贴在你的脸上，每次
你欢欣地迎接我，而我只希望你快点走过，
随意在你身上一击，闪入另一个门径，
哪怕迎面而来的只是低俗不堪的花边。
你，只在我离开的时候，才自娱自舞，
那是我让你守着我的门面，保护我的隐私。
人人都说你是我的宠儿，我陪着你的时间
多于这世间的任何人，甚至我妻子，唉，
尽管她是我夜夜拥在怀中的女人，她对你仍然充满妒恨。
按说，你也可以时时坐在我的膝上，可只有偶尔
你才能在我和妻子的被褥外，提供点消遣，或者助兴。
你似乎毫不介怀我总和你保持两尺之距，
也不抱怨我从没完全信任过你，另外复制一个你备用；
然而，你我两心相知，你是我惟一的知己，
我最深的隐秘，我的孽情和卑怯，我的痴狂和孤傲，我
只对你倾诉。惟有你的背叛才会带给我
永难恢复的伤害；你懂，所以你承受到死。
　　　　　　　　　　2009年9月14日