Li Yiliang: A Letter

A Poem by Li Yiliang
李以亮诗一首

　　A Letter
　　　　　　　　　　by Li Yiliang　tr. Fan Jinghua
　　　Yueyang Tower soaring high over Cloud-Dream Lake
　　　Black-Dragon River running under the distant frosty sky

Barely had I started than I felt it hard to finish this letter.
What should I say to you?
In private, I had even wished for more people to read
--But this is obviously impossible.
A letter can only say part of what can be said, like
The attempt to turn a scrambled Rubik’s cube of magic
To get one face of solid color.

This is already an indication of the order in me, that is,
There is no order. I am in pursuit,
My vision being worn down, by day and by night.
The result? It appears more like a child playing
Stone skipping, being fascinated by the transient arches over the water,
And learning to accept
The sinking of heart with the piece of stone.

For many years, I’ve been contesting against saints and sages and trying
To reconcile with evil persons. I’ve taken on the eccentricities of a genius,
But nowadays there are only self-assumed geniuses,
And they are everywhere, so I am no longer one.
For many times, I have been haunted by a dream that I wake up
In the morning only find that a scorpion is waiting
For my foot in each of my shoes under the bed.

Where is the niche of my Buddha? Whose icon do I pray to?
I need to have joy, and I need to be capable of love. Who’d like
To always write poems that present a long blank face?
I wish so much to praise the present, this sunlight on the windowsill,
As it reminds me of the south, not long ago,
The tropical, the alcohol like seawater,
The long long journey.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　Nov. 30, 2008

　　　一封信
　　　　　　　　　李以亮 (1966-)
　　　　　　黄鹤楼高云梦泽
　　　　　　黑龙江远雪霜天
一封信还没有开头，我已感到它难以结束。
我要向你说些什么？
私下里，我甚至希求着更多的人，
——但这显然不可能。
一封信只是把能说的部分说出一部分，像
把打乱的魔方旋转着
尽可能复原。

这已经暗示了我内心的秩序，也就是
没有秩序。我寻求着，
日夜熬损着我的视力，
结果更像一个儿童用石子在水面
削着水漂，陶醉于短暂而美妙的弧线，
接着让自己的心
和石子一块沉下去。

多少年了，我与圣贤对抗，
又试图与恶人和解。我染上了天才的怪癖，
——但如今，只有自以为是的天才，
他们无处不在，我不是。
多少次，我重复着一个噩梦，梦见早上
醒来，一只蝎子
在床底的鞋子里等着我。

我的佛龛在哪儿？我挂谁的圣画像？
我要有快乐，我要有爱的能力，——谁愿意
总写板着面孔的诗？
我多想赞美此刻，照耀在窗台上的阳光，
它让我回忆起不久前的南方，
热带，海水一样的酒，
漫长的旅途。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　2008.11.30.