Sunday, March 29, 2009

Xiao Maxian: Cold Light

Xiao Maxian: Cold Light

  寒光
     小玛仙
它运送军队和粮食
植物迅速掠过
湖泊、沼泽反射寒光
冰映出豹子奔跑
划过的弧线——加速度撞在铁皮上
迸起稀疏的火花
所有的怜惜藏在泥土之下
向下,那岩石之下
更深的地方岩浆就要窒息
夜晚迷失的魂魄在归途攀上火车

  Cold Light
        by Xiao Maxian tr. Fan Jinghua
It carries troops and grains
Plants sweep past swift
Lakes, swamps reflect cold light
Ice mirrors the curved line
Of a running leopard—acceleration bumps on the iron sheet
Spurting faint glitters of firework
All the compassionate cherished under the soil
Further down below the rocks
In the deeper places lava is suffocating
Souls lost in night are picking up trains on their return journey

My PS:
  The poet has in her mind that the train in the poem is a metaphor for state apparatus, hence it carries troops and grains. Plants therefore refer to the forms of organic life, which are left behind by the insanely dashing forward train. It seems that the poet has too much to say out and she loses control of the poem. Whatever the leopard may represent, the lines lose their energy and speed after the “acceleration bumps on the iron sheet.”
译后赘言:
  诗人想到的是,火车是国家机器的暗喻,因此它运送的是军队和粮食。植物代表各种形式的有机生命,被疯狂向前冲的火车抛到了后面。似乎诗人有太多的话要说,因此有点失控了。无论那头豹子代表什么,“加速度撞在铁皮上”之后的句子就松散了,没有速度、没有运动、没有冲量。

My suggested version我建议的修改:

  寒光
它运送军队和粮食
植物迅速掠过
湖泊、沼泽
冰的寒光映照豹子
奔跑的弧线——加速度撞在铁皮上

夜晚迷失的魂魄在归途攀上火车

  Cold Light
It carries troops and grains
Plants sweep past swift
Lakes, swamps
Ice of cold light mirrors the curved line
Of a running leopard—acceleration bumps on the iron sheet

Souls lost in night have picked up trains on their return journey

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