Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Fan Jinghua: An Ending Was Ended on a Mountain

  An ending was ended on a mountain

Could there be an accomplishment more beautifully interrupted than this,
So heightened, sacrificial and irreversible?
It is nothing posthumous or posterior that hurts him,
When no leaves reflect light any more
And an apple is hung in the cold mid-October night air.
A cave-in is waiting insidiously at the mountain foot.

He explains to himself
In French "histoire" means history and story, all that have come to pass.
At every nerve burn he backs up, like a prawn, weightless on a few space-walk steps,
As if an artist, playing with life, gloats at the Medusa gaze he creates with blood.
Crumbs on the stale palette begin to melt and stick to each other,
And a smile emerges from the water of memory.

— I remember the first time you were fallen upon when you were still a rowboat.
— Please! Why not forget?
— Oh, it’s just there, calling itself up. It has dignity and self-love stronger than mine.
— That’s weepie! Let me send you an emoticon of crying like downpour.
— Gee, my columnar cactus is blooming. I am not a pillar of salt.
— How creamy is this ice lolly! It can sail on any river.

"He has taken all the holy names in vain," he reports himself to himself,
But he is saying to the phrase "Just for you," so religiously.
He then closes his eyes, learning the way a plummet sinks into a coal well,
And one of his feet is tied to the cross on the mountaintop.
He sees his own face on the liquid love down there,
And he scoops some for his own wake or maybe her parasuicide or suttee.
                September 29, 2008

  一个结局被了结在山上

还能有怎样的成就比得上这样的中断?
如此高昂、献身、不可撤销。
真正能伤害他的是事后或者死后的空无,
一只苹果吊死在十月中旬后半夜的冷风中。
没有叶子反光了,
一座地陷在山脚下阴险地等待。

他对自己解释道:她
就是已经发生的一切,若用法语说,她既是历史又是故事。
每一次神经灼伤,他都会像失重的对虾一样,以太空步弹回,
他,玩命的艺术家,自满地审视着他用鲜血绘成的蛇发女妖。
调色板上,走味的碎屑开始融化、粘成一片,
一只微笑从记忆的水中浮起。

——我记得你第一次被扑倒时你还是一只小船。
——别说了!为何耿耿于怀?
——哦,不是我要记起,而是它自己唤醒自己。它的尊严与自爱比我的更强烈。
——这令我心痛!我给你发送一个泪如雨下的表情符号。
——嘿嘿,我的仙人柱开花了,我还没变成盐柱。
——这冰棍奶油多么丰富!它可以航行于任何河流。

他已妄称了所有神圣的名字。他向自己告发自己,
而他正对着这个词组说“只是为你”,祈祷一样虔诚。
然后他闭起眼,学着一只铅锤坠入煤井,
一只脚系在山顶的十字架上。
他在深处发现了液体爱情,上面映着自己的脸,
于是他舀了一瓢,为了自己的丧事,也为了她姿态性的自杀或者殉夫。
           2008年9月30日

1 comment:

Hina said...

Keep up the good work.