Fan Jinghua: Loving Women

　　　　　Loving Women

It is a small hour. I am reading Akhamatova
And inspired to write a love poem to an Anna.
I search my bowels and mind for one phrase for a déjà vu look,
And realize sadly that you must be hiding into a dim tabernacle.

On my wall there is a square of gloomy sky.
In my desklamp, my wife's black hair is pale,
She makes a turn and murmurs, and suddenly she becomes old
Reminding me of my grandma and that summer
When she was lying on the deathbed with her three-inch-lotus feet.

That season I was somewhere far away from there and then,
And in one early morning I dreamt of a foreign woman in an ancient castle;
For the whole month there, we made love diligently and fucked each other hard,
Like two vampires huddling in the last corner of shelter from daylight.
That morning dream made me believe that I could fall into you years later.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Menlo Castle, Galway, Ireland

　　　爱着的女人
下半夜刚开始。我读着艾赫玛托娃，突然
想给一个叫安娜的女人写一首情诗。
搜肠刮肚没找到一个词语，可以描述某个似曾相识的眼神，
悲伤地想到你肯定已随着灵魂躲进了一个黯淡的神龛。

墙上有一块四方的天空，阴郁着脸。
台灯下，我妻子的黑发显得苍白，
她翻了个身，嘟哝着我听不懂的话，于是她突然变老；
令我想到我外婆和那个夏天，
她和她的三寸金莲弥留在冷铺，我妈妈满脸茫然。

那个季节我一直在远离当时当地的远方，
某个清晨我梦见我在一座古堡结识一个异族女人；
那梦中的一月，我们勤勉地做爱，凶猛地性交，
像两个吸血鬼躲在阳光仍未照到的墙脚。
那场晓梦令我相信我将在多年后爱你终生，义无返顾。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　2005年7月27日

I had a dream in my sophomore year (1984 summer) of an ancient castle and a Western woman, and in the same dream I dreamt of my grandmother's death which did take place one month later. I was horrified again by the weird "coincidence". I visited Ireland in 2004 summer with an Irish-origin woman from US, and saw some castles for the first time in my life. This castle is Menlo Castle in Galway, burnt down around 1910.