Saturday, October 20, 2007

Fan Jinghua: Waiting for Dreams

Waiting for Dreams

It was 1:15 in the early morning
When he took that shower to wash off your scent
   from that part of his body where the sensation of realness
   had been kept muffled for more than a day and an ocean away
He knew his wife was in menstruation and would be reclining
   on the other side of the bed  along the windowsill
He did have managed to fall into sleep
But you did not enter as you had promised
   You didn’t  you didn’t
He resisted opening his eyes  he needed the dark
   to make believe that he was still in an in-between state
       and that you would somehow be able to infiltrate
Since you had promised  you had promised
   to cause him to dream  to bring him the dreams as he had dreamt
But you didn’t do  you didn’t do

I have been keeping watch  all the time
   over his wakefulness which he didn’t wake to deny or reject
The tropical miasma is not fatal  No  it isn’t
It is its unstoppable infiltration into the sense of hurt that is hurting
A halo of frustration floats over the stillness of his primordial posture
   as he huddles himself into an ear  listening for
   the stilled hurt in your murmur “Don’t go, Darling! Don’t”
The red digit above his feet changes from 4:41 to 4:42
   as I am transcribing in my mind his desperation to you
You my darling witch why don’t you perform your charm?
Is it because the daylight is still lingering there, longer than it should?
                 Nov. 7, 2002

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