Fan Jinghua: Faith

　　　Faith

The aftershock of a windfall. The lake peels
And peels off smiles, untiringly.
Its swaddle wraps and unwraps, a red
Plumpness, more apples of autumn on the boughs.

Leaves filter the sunrays, filter the rains
Too, but not clouds that hang low and sluggish.
These web-fingered hands scratch but never pierce,
And they also fall; in time, they fall more readily.

Now, hovering on the water is a restless stillness, indifferent
To the purblind birds, that breathes in the sky color
And, saturated, it wobbles slowly downward, prostrate to the cold.

This is an hour for ghosts, the invisible bags.
They may fly by wriggling. How energetic and full of freedom!
Even your soul and spirit itch to come out
Of the thresholds of the eyes, mouth and nostrils.

But hold your breath and walk on in the rustles, please!
If you need words, whisper “love” in my ear,
And do not cry out “I need” in the open air.

In the dark, trust the carnal,
Even if I am an apple worm-eaten at the core.
　　　　　　　　　　Oct. 8, 2007

Note: This poem was written upon the suicide of a poet.

　　　信 念

风吹落的苹果比风更令河水心悸，
它的微笑揭掉一层又一层不倦的皮。
波心的襁褓裹起、打开、打开又裹紧
胖乎乎的粉嫩润红，那么多的秋苹果仍挂在枝头。

叶子过滤着阳光，叶子也过滤着雨，
却无法过滤低垂而迟缓的云。
这些蹼指的小手只可用以瘙痒，却不能刺穿，
它们会枯萎；时候到了，比苹果凋落得更加轻易。

此刻，悬在水面上的是一种静止，淡漠地
吸入天的颜色，不理会逐渐盲冥的归鸟，
慢慢地，它摇摆着沉降，俯伏在一片冷冷的水面。

这个时辰属于鬼魂，那一只只肉眼看不见的袋子。
它们胀满了自由、只需扭动就能飘忽；精力多么旺盛！
甚至你的魂魄也痒了，一次次
冲击你眼睛、嘴巴、鼻孔的门限。

屏住呼吸，求你了，在飒飒的风声中随我走开。
如果你需要说话，只对着我的耳朵呼气或低语一声“爱”，
千万不要在此刻出声，对空气呼叫“我要”。

黑暗中，你需要相信肉体和欲望，
哪怕我是一只内核已被虫蚀的苹果。
　　　　　　　　　　　2007年10月9日