Fan Jinghua: A Cat on a Town Square

　　　A Cat on a Town Square

Impulses can never be repeated.
I had one already. It has just happened, long ago.
For love to be high. For freedom to be low.
Or life? I have more than one,
but if once is all, once is enough. Over.
Over must forestall over again, as if I set fire with my own tail
to the plank over a ravine I have walked over.
No looking back, therefore
everywhere, ahead or sideward, life is pullulated with tropical fish.
Now I am a pet to myself, an exile in a shape of litter,
lurking in the margins of the town square.

Only when my tailbone hurts for the impending rain
do I realize what I left behind is the most unwavering velvet;
but I’ve learned the strategy of square and understand
what can be lost in a territorial gap
will never be what one cannot do without.
Now I am leaner and more agile,
my feral instinct comes back, sharper, like my claws.
Here, it is much more spacious, phobically unsheltered and planar,
and my self-trained gait meows a pride wider than any catwalk.
No one is to grip my scruff; I pat my own back
with my fluffed-up tail, averting
the most innocent street-sweepers and the loneliest scavenger.

On the public plaza, all the creatures are but floating phantoms,
and between their coming and goings
I hear my own pawsteps
echoing to the prowling draught.
In the most haunted hours when only streetlamps populate the air,
my eyes glitter green in the dark;
they are not cold, but merely composed.
Even in the harmonious society I once enjoyed,
I’ve always been solitary and self-sufficient,
for pet-keepers only understand the language I’ve chosen to share.
When blacks from above drag along the tile floor
like scum on a malicious lake, like shadows of love,
I am a leopard, stalking with the slightest growl.
August 29, 2007


　　　　广场的猫

冲动，不可重复。我已有过——
就在很久以前的刚才，记忆犹新。
为了爱得高昂，为了自由得卑微；
生命？我拥有，而且不止一个；
而能将一次活成许多，那么一次就已足够。就可以结束。
结束必须能先发制人，以防回首，犹如我以尾巴纵火
烧毁我越过深壑的独木桥。
不回顾，所以无论前视还是侧目，
每一步都可见生机无限，攒动，有如热带鱼。
而今，我是自己的宠物，自我流放，隐于
市镇广场的边缘，带着垃圾的形貌。

我的尾骨也会泛起预示阴雨的隐痛，只有这时，
我才会意识到
被我离弃的生活是最坚实的丝绒。
但我学到了广场之道，也明白
无论什么，如果会在领域差异中丢失，
那就绝非生命中的不可或缺。
现在我更见精瘦，因而也更加敏捷，
野性的本能逐渐回来，更加锐利，犹如我的脚爪。
这儿空阔宽裕得多，而面对二维的无限延伸，我也会恐惧；
但我自我培训出一种步态，无须咪咪作态，傲气也能横扫最宽的T台；
无人可以抓捏我颈背的皮毛，
我竖起尾巴，倒够着，拍自己的后背，躲避
所有人，哪怕是最无恶意的清道夫或者最孤独的捡垃圾的乞丐。

公众广场上，所有生灵都只是不实的影子，
在他们的去留往返之间，
我听得到自己的足音
在匍匐逡巡的过堂风下回响。
黎明前最多鬼魂出没的时辰，整个广场
只有街灯住在空气中充当人气，
我的眼睛在幽暗处泛着绿光，
那只是宁静，而绝非冷漠。
即使在我曾经贪婪享受的和谐社会，
我也总是独立独行，爱好宠物的人类
只是在理解我选择给他们理解的语言行为。
每当空中投下黑块，在广场的拼砖地面上拖曳，
我便是一只黑豹，屏住低吼的冲动，双脚以弧线插向地面，潜行。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　2007年9月1日