Friday, May 29, 2009

Fan Jinghua: Passion of Love



        Passion of Love

Once, a foundling would grow up to believe that life is soul and both accommodated in love for his little mistress who love had never been fiery and his fagot of bones was not heavy. He had not enough marrow.

She confessed it would degrade her to marry him, and he eavesdropped as almost every inferior man in love would do. It was a lonely cold night when she was confiding to her nurse.

He disappeared, with that sentence, without any word. Only we know that that sentence was incomplete. Only we know he would come back, clean-cut but bloodthirsty.

In that unwitting dark night, she continued, with moony eyes: so he shall never know how I love him,…because he’s more myself than I am.

About the differences between social status and wealth, a woman in love is more idealistic than a man. It is really difficult to be a cool-minded lover. Love does not warrant any judgment of a person’s degradation, and this has nothing to do with sex.

She wedded with another man. She hoped to use his wealth to help her beloved man. This woman has no man-made morality. There is a natural simile ready for her. Love for foliage will change with time as winter changes the trees, while love for the pale rocks beneath may be nurtured by little visible delight, but necessarily lasting.

Now, how can a man criticize this woman? In great literature and valiant art, whores are often idealized with sacrificial love that eventually shies away a man’s carnal desire. He cries when taking her money to find another whore. He told the whore how deep his love for his woman. He does not hope to repay his benefactor, and he tries best to be happy.

Every man has a woman to be sacrificed, so that he can say how much he loves her at her absence, when he fucks with his other whores such as profession, associates, life-long hobby and his housewife.
                    May 29, 2009

     爱情的受难

曾经有一个弃儿逐渐长大,相信生活就是灵魂,而两者都居住在他对小主人的爱情中;只是她的爱情从不会像烈火一样,他骨头的柴薪不够沉重,含髓量不足。

她坦白说如果下嫁给他,那就会觉得降低了身份;而此时他刚好偷听到了,正如差不多每个自卑怯弱的男人都做过相似的事情。这是一个孤独寒冷的夜晚,她只能对自己的乳母交心。

听了那句话,他一声不吭地消失,像隐瞒了一个终生判决。只有我们知道那句话并不完整,只有我们知道他必将回来,会举止优雅,但眼神的温暖放出嗜血的欲望。

在那不智的黑夜,她继续着停顿前的话:所以他不会知道我在心底是多么爱他,……因为他比我自己更像我自己。她说着这话,眼神恍惚,犹如月晕。

有关身份与财富的区别,一个恋爱中的女人肯定比一个男人更加理想主义。要想做一个冷静的情人,真的很不容易。这和人是否堕落无关,也不分性别。爱情不可能是任何判断的证据。

她和另一个男人结婚。她希望可以用一些他的钱,帮助自己深爱的男人。这个女人没有男人制造的道德。她随口就能说出一个自然而然的比喻。谁爱绿叶成荫,她的爱也会像冬天改变树林一样善变,而谁爱那下面苍白的岩石,或许没有多少可见的喜悦滋润,却必然长久。

一个男人怎么去责斥这个女人?在伟大的文学与雄浑的艺术中,妓女也会被理想化为出于爱情而献身,不过这却阻遏了她的男人再对她产生肉体的欲望。他哭泣着拿过她手中的钱,去找另一个妓女。他告诉那个妓女,他多么爱着为他牺牲的女人,一辈子的恩他无法回报,他只能令自己快乐。

每个男人都有一个需要牺牲的女人,这样他才能在背后说多么爱她。他说的时候,必须是他正在操他的其他妓女,例如职业、同僚、终生的爱好、以及他的家庭主妇。
                    2009年5月29日

No comments: