Reading is Seeing and…
On that much-too-wide bed of the north,
When night enters the coolest hours,
You roll up and face the wall,
And your desklamp under an oversized hat is so in love with its own low light.
In that love that loves itself and shines, you have written
So many poems,
And they all have dresses you make
With fabrics that respond to daylight with cheerful colors.
Now, they unfold themselves quietly in my desklamp,
But the light shines through,
So I can see their intimate parts as shadows
Suggestive of the shapes of silk undergarments—
Circles, triangles, arches, string-like straps.
With these shapes, they suddenly come alive
From dolls to women
Of visible shames and hidden desires….
I turn off the light.
But reading is unstoppable in my mind.
Then I see my middle finger arched a little
So that it is of the same length as the index finger,
I see them reaching to dip in the poems,
And I feel a wetness on the tips of fingers.
The liquid smells sweet and tastes a little salty bitter,
And this kills my sleep.
However I despise myself for being a lewd peeper,
I cannot erase the fluorescence after the light has already been turned off,
Unless I break the lamp and swallow the debris, killing myself
And everything.
September 7, 2008
读就是见就是……
我能看到你蜷曲在北方那张空旷的大床上
当夜晚进入最冷的时辰
你面朝墙壁
书桌上的台灯带着一顶硕大的帽子
着迷一样地爱着自己低照的光
在它那自恋的照亮下，你写了
那么多诗篇
你为每一首都剪裁了衣裳
那布料以绚烂的色彩反射着阳光
此刻它们在我的台灯下静静地展开
但我的灯光射穿了它们
我看到它们隐秘的部分呈现为阴影
令人想入非非的丝质内衣的形状
圆的、三角的、弧形的、条状的
这些形状顿时令它们充满生机
不再是岜碧娃娃，而是女人
有着可见的羞耻与隐秘的欲望
我立即关掉了灯
可是阅读仍在脑子里进行，难以阻止
然后我看到我的中指稍微弯曲
保持与食指相同的长度
然后我看到它们伸进了诗篇
我感到指尖上有一种潮湿
那液体有一股甜，尝起来有些苦涩
这令我再也无法入睡
然而无论我怎么责骂自己下流偷窥
却无法抹除已被关掉的灯散发的荧光
除非我将灯管砸破，吞下碎片，与一切
同归于尽
2008年9月7日
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