Fan Jinghua: Reins of Freedom

　　　　Reins of Freedom

　　He who stays mute behind his door for over 229 days
　　May expect to be granted a fair blessing in secret.

　　　You carried your own burden and very soon
　　　Your symptoms of creeping privilege disappeared.
　　　　　　　　Seamus Heaney “From the Republic of Conscience”

So I decide to wear out my boredom in vacuumed boredom,
And let seasons turn in their own solitary ways,
Persuading myself into believing that a bookman is good for nothing;
I will let those coming-and-going lingerers dry out from dawn to dusk,
The happy ones who never look up and know not their could-be whereabouts
But only the places where they have been planted and watered.
They have no hammocks, so they sit on folding chairs around an extra one,
On which they kill time and transform the surrounding air.
Occasionally, they follow others, at a sensible distance,
Only to make their following felt, oppressive but not assaulting.
They expose their darkly covered heads and wingless backs,
And we never exchange looks, but we know we have the same faces.
The reins of freedom harness us, loosely, without any hasps or hooks,
Like the fishing line that might connect the fisherman and his catch-to-be;
We each bear our own demon fetus, and we are lovers unable to make love.
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　April 10, 2008

　　　　自由的缰绳

　只有在自家门后蛰伏229天以上的人
　才有可能获得了一次秘密的公正祝福
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　——题记

　　你背负自己的重担，过不了多久
　　你爬行着的特权显出的病兆就会消失。
　　　　　　希尼《来自良心共和国》

我决定让独自的无聊衰竭在真空的无聊中，
不看季节如何径自峰回路转，我要
说服自己相信，一个书生必须百无一用；
我将让楼下来来往往的人植物一般从清晨晾晒到黄昏，
那从不会仰望的，幸福于不知道自己的何去何从，
幸福于只认识自己被栽种和浇水的地方。
他们没有吊床；他们围坐着，在多余的折叠椅子上
改变空气成分，偶尔站起来跟在别人的后面，不即
不离，让被跟的人感到他们的压迫却不加攻击。
他们向我暴露黑压压的头顶和光秃秃的后背，
而我们从不交换眼神，我们知道彼此肯定有同样的脸。
自由的缰绳连接着我们，没有打结，也没有任何搭扣，
像钓鱼线将垂钓者和可能上钩的鱼建立或可确凿的关系；
我们已各自怀上了鬼胎，是一对相爱而不能做爱的人。
　　　　　　　　　　　　2008年4月10日

229 days, referring to Prisoner in the Freedom City available at YouTube.