Fan Jinghua: Fragments of a Love

　Fragments of a Love
　　一场爱情的碎片


　　　　* * * * *
The Tennessee Waltz almost over,
he held her in his arms a little closer
and words were held up tighter under the tongue.
It was merely a schmaltzy stereotype.
From their eyes I thought
without looking hard they could almost see each other,
but then it was him who shied away from himself in her eyes.
A better dancer immediately picked her up for a jitterbug,
and then I heard her hearty laughter, and saw him
gulping down a can of iced coke, in one breath.
Their next dance was a fox-trot,
and after the quick steps I found
they were better matched in the staggering.
The dance was duly over, but the rhythm
remained long after in my heart.

田纳西华尔兹到了尾声，
他将她稍稍拥近了一点，
而想说的话在嘴里拥得更紧。
这不过是个滥情的俗套。
我想他们从彼此的眼中
可以毫不费力地看见自己，
但他却躲开了另一双眼里的自己。
一位舞艺高超的人立即请她吉特巴，
然后我听到她放开的笑，而他一口气
灌下一听冰镇可乐。
他们的下一支舞是一个狐步，
我发现短促的快步之后
他们的蹒跚慢步配合得更好。
一支舞按时结束，而那节奏
在我心中久久未消。

　　　* * * * *

In that city where you were strangers,
you were even strange to each other.
Your adventures always led to dead ends
or your ways often circled around
or doubled back on themselves,
and eventually you grew easy and relaxed,
preparing to walk every step twice
and enjoyed every lane and backstreet
after you had given up the right route.
When you came to a stone screen wall that ended an alley
with a big Chinese character of karma,
the moon and sun were both in the sky.
He suddenly hugged you tight, your eyes shut,
his hand even groping into your elasticated waistband.
Two clusters of feather lovegrass waved on the tiled ridge,
and I looked at a star and moaned with joy.

在那座你们很陌生的城市，
你们甚至彼此陌生。
大部分冒险都将你们送入死胡同，
或者走来走去还在兜圈子
要么就是原路折回，
你们终于随遇而安，不再寻找正确的路线。
当你们打算每一步走重复一次，
你们开始尽情欣赏每一条偏僻的小街小巷。
一条小巷将你们引到终点，一面影壁上
有一个大大的缘字，
那时月亮和太阳都在天空。
他突然将你拥入怀中，你眼睛轻闭，
他的手甚至塞进了你松紧带的裙腰。
影壁的瓦墙上有两簇鲫鱼草在晚风中招摇，
我仰望着一颗星，快乐地呻吟。

　　　* * * * *

She stepped out of train,
and the platform suddenly floated and he looked wobbling,
but he stood at ease, feet shoulder width apart to steady himself.
Then, she bent to tuck in a jacket
into the bag and a mirror flashed like a split of smile;
the zipper was dry and squeaked for a little grease.
Then, I was dazed…
Oh, the silvery strip
against the black string above the low risers...
The unforgettable is the impossible to recount.
I still remember the way
his fingers adducted and abducted themselves behind his back.
That trip of a day and night must have been difficult,
for she had to tell him that she would cherish his love forever
before she could tell him goodbye.
Perhaps she was not sure what she could expect,
and obviously she is not, after many years.

她走出火车，
站台便突然摇晃，而他似乎也随着飘浮，
但很快便站稳，双脚分开与肩同宽。
然后，她弯腰将一件夹克
塞进旅行包，一面镜子如闪电般咧嘴而笑，
拉链的嗓音滞涩，尖声地要求润滑。
然后，哦，我愣住了……
她低腰裤上方系着一条黑色丝带
横躺于一条夺目的鱼肚白走廊……
难以忘记的都无法重述。
但是我清楚记得
他的手指在他背后如何不由自主地捏紧又松开。
那次旅途应该甚为艰难，千里迢迢，
她必须告诉他说自己将永远珍惜那段爱情，
然后才能和他分手告别。
也许她当时并不确定她将遇到怎样的反应，
而今，多年过后，她显然更加不能。

　　　* * * * *

Half way to the peak of the Yellow Mount
where on a stone terrace the Immortals basked with their feet bare,
a gnarled pine on the cliff
contorted its trunk as if to challenge the tourists coming near.
Their hands twined like a knot.
Then, I came by and we looked into each other’s eyes,
and suddenly I had a green urge to go overboard for a free fall.
I could feel his hand drawing out of hers, palms wet,
like a brook sprouting from the cold solid mass.
At that moment, I was full of love toward life like never before,
like extracting from your body after a passionate love.

黄山的半途，
在那个仙人晒靴的石头平台上，
一株老松树佝偻着身子，
犹如挑衅崖上的游客。
他俩互挽的手，犹如一个树瘤。
我走过他们身边，和他四目相对，
突然有一股冲动，想在那儿体验山野中的自由坠落。
我能感到他的手从她双手中抽出，手掌潮湿，
犹如一条山溪从巨大的冷硬中射出。
就在那个时刻，我对生命
充满从未有过的热爱，犹如一场激情过后，
我从你的身体中退缩。

　　　* * * * *

Even in this age of oblivion as a vogue,
you can still believe you are impossibly unforgettable.
If you have faith, you may bump into someone you think
you’ve long forgotten or never met.
Dear, you have always been a star;
and you have a constant fan who hums the oldie
you sang twice with such a naive passion,
once when you met and once when you were to break up;
they were many years ago, before you are such a star.

即便在这个风行遗忘的时代，
你仍要相信你绝无可能被人忘记。
若你有这样的信念，你便会在任何地点
不期而遇你以为你早已忘却或者从未相识的人。
你，亲爱的，一直就是一颗星；
有一双向日的眼睛不渝地追索你的方向，
哼着一首老歌，你曾带着幼稚的激情唱过两次，
一次你们相识，一次你们将要分手；
那是很多年前，你还不是如今的明星。

　　　* * * * *

Walking through the shopping streets,
turning at the right turn, turning in at the right turn,
you bring yourself along with you;
in your easy haste, you see nobody in the world.
You are not in his sight and he is not in your mind.
You are still the one I knew,
but you know you are not the one I knew.
I see you, and there is a street of desolate heat between us.
My heart jerks with a chilly flash of a windowpane.

你穿过商业区的街道，
在该拐弯的地方拐弯，在该拐进去的地方拐进，
你只带着自己，以匆忙挟持着从容，
似乎这个世界空无一人。
你不在他的眼里，他也不在你的心里。
你仍然是我曾经熟识的那个女人，
而你知道你不是我曾经熟识的那个女人。
我看着你，而我们只隔着一条冒着热气的荒寂的街。
一扇窗户的闪光令我的心冷冷地抽搐了一下。

　　　* * * * *

So many half-naked beauties,
more accessories than main pieces.
In the porches, along the corridors,
by the potted plants and on the escalators,
their center of gravity rests on one leg only,
and alternates upon the passers-by.
Their sparkles bring out a fleshy scent like invisible dust,
and some of them must be waterproof.
You are alone, and free.
It is the hottest month of the year,
and I am elated like a happy cockroach.

如此多裸背露胸的女人，
附件多于主体。
门廊下，盆栽旁，扶梯上，
她们的重心只放在一条腿上，
并且依据路过的人而随时调整。
她们的汗珠带出肉香犹如看不见的尘灰，
有些人肯定可以防水。
你独自一人，自由地逛。
在这一年中最热的月份，
我兴致昂然，犹如一只快活的蟑螂。